Indecision's a bastard. But indecision and laziness? That's a fucking death sentence.
I can't make up my mind as to what I want. In everything. I've just lost my ability to make any sort of decisions, which is rather sad. I don't know what I want from certain people, I don't know what I want to do- I don't know what I want for dinner. And when you can't decide what you want for dinner, things are pretty bad.
I need something to focus on, but I have no idea what that should be. I say that I don't do the things I want to because I'm at school for eight hours a day, but that's a load of bollocks. I just don't know what I want, and not knowing what you want is akin to not doing anything at all- in my case at least. It's shit. I know that it's decision making time, but when you can't decide on anything at all that can prove tricky.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Je vais créer.
I know, yeah. You wait a whole week for a post and then two come along at the same time. Sucks to be you.
Just had to write this down because I'm in a bit of a crazy creativity burst right now. It's pretty excellent. Writing poetry, listening to ukulele players and jazz- it's the best. Jazz is literally like listening to that feeling of when you're a bit tipsy after a few glasses of wine, but you aren't quite drunk. I think that's the best way I can describe it. If it's the right sort of jazz, that is. And the right sort of wine.
Think I might have a go at putting this poem I just wrote to music tomorrow evening. I've never done that before, but hey, I might as well have a go. It has that kind of singalong rhythm to it. I just want to do some of that kind of creative stuff that I can be proud of and say, I wrote that. At Search for a Star, our school talent show, I was like "fuck, people can actually do stuff." And it made me feel bad that I wasn't doing that too. So I'm going to go for it and start creating. And if I create some outrage in others along the way, so much the better for me.
Just had to write this down because I'm in a bit of a crazy creativity burst right now. It's pretty excellent. Writing poetry, listening to ukulele players and jazz- it's the best. Jazz is literally like listening to that feeling of when you're a bit tipsy after a few glasses of wine, but you aren't quite drunk. I think that's the best way I can describe it. If it's the right sort of jazz, that is. And the right sort of wine.
Think I might have a go at putting this poem I just wrote to music tomorrow evening. I've never done that before, but hey, I might as well have a go. It has that kind of singalong rhythm to it. I just want to do some of that kind of creative stuff that I can be proud of and say, I wrote that. At Search for a Star, our school talent show, I was like "fuck, people can actually do stuff." And it made me feel bad that I wasn't doing that too. So I'm going to go for it and start creating. And if I create some outrage in others along the way, so much the better for me.
Ponderings. If that's not a word, then it should be.
“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” ~E.B. White
Apologies for the lack of blogging. Frankly, there's been nothing going on that's worth talking about. Neither is this, but I digress.
The above quote is pretty accurate for me. I have some sort of innate desire to help people. Seeing as I dislike most of them, I'm not really sure where this comes from, but we'll deal with that later.
I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Which can be heavy stuff for a sixteen year old, but I feel that I need to figure this stuff out sooner rather than later. It's proving difficult. I'm good at writing, I enjoy music, sure- but I want more than that from whatever I dedicate that much (ie. all) of my time to. I'm one of those sad, sad people that want to make a difference. And unfortunately that changes things.
I've been thinking politics, journalism, medicine, all of that stuff. And it's really hard to come up with new ideas. I want to change things, but I don't really know what it is that I want to change. Peoples' outlooks maybe, situations in general too- I don't know. So for the moment, I think child psychology. It's a start at least, but I'll want to do more. What exactly is more? I have no idea. We'll have to wait and see :)
Apologies for the lack of blogging. Frankly, there's been nothing going on that's worth talking about. Neither is this, but I digress.
The above quote is pretty accurate for me. I have some sort of innate desire to help people. Seeing as I dislike most of them, I'm not really sure where this comes from, but we'll deal with that later.
I've been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. Which can be heavy stuff for a sixteen year old, but I feel that I need to figure this stuff out sooner rather than later. It's proving difficult. I'm good at writing, I enjoy music, sure- but I want more than that from whatever I dedicate that much (ie. all) of my time to. I'm one of those sad, sad people that want to make a difference. And unfortunately that changes things.
I've been thinking politics, journalism, medicine, all of that stuff. And it's really hard to come up with new ideas. I want to change things, but I don't really know what it is that I want to change. Peoples' outlooks maybe, situations in general too- I don't know. So for the moment, I think child psychology. It's a start at least, but I'll want to do more. What exactly is more? I have no idea. We'll have to wait and see :)
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Shitty Self Discipline.
As with most things, when it comes to self discipline I'm in the middle of the road. There are times when if you told me take over the world by this time tomorrow, I would jump at the chance and be rewriting the Constitution within half an hour. But most of the time I'm a normal human being, and I'd say "Tomorrow? That's ages away. I think I'll go on Twitter."
Self discipline is incredibly tricky. I'm a terrible procrastinator when it comes to most things, which is why I work so well with lists and schedules. But without those, I'd never get anything done because I'd be forever putting it off until later. We always pass things off to our future selves. This is because we presume that our future selves will have gotten themselves organised, productive and in general will be a better person than we ourselves are now. Unfortunately, this rarely happens and tomorrow we will still be the same lazy, unproductive wasters we are now. Except by tomorrow we'll probably be behind on our deadline. And by next week we'll be fat by lying up on front of the telly eating chocolate all the time instead of doing what needs to be done.
There's a lot of psychology behind this, which I'm not going to get into because it would drive both you and I demented, but think of this; will future you be glad you put it off until now (the future) to do whatever it is you're procrastinating on? Think of you as you are now, not the idealistic view you have of what you'll be like tomorrow. I always think that I'll be fit, organised, intelligent and in general a better person by tomorrow. It never happens. God, I wish it did. That'd be fucking amazing.
I wish it were as easy as that. Things are never as easy to do as they come across in this sort of article and it's a fucking pain in the arse because they seem to think that all there is to it is following their rules. It's not. And not for one second am I going to pretend that I have all the answers, because while I am absolutely fabulous I am not that arrogant. You're going to fail a lot at self-discipline. I know that, because I will too.
A very happy 202nd birthday to Mr Edgar Allan Poe. Go read some of his poetry. It has such a nice rhythm to it, you can almost sing some of his poems. I love The Raven. Go read that.
Arrivederci :)
Self discipline is incredibly tricky. I'm a terrible procrastinator when it comes to most things, which is why I work so well with lists and schedules. But without those, I'd never get anything done because I'd be forever putting it off until later. We always pass things off to our future selves. This is because we presume that our future selves will have gotten themselves organised, productive and in general will be a better person than we ourselves are now. Unfortunately, this rarely happens and tomorrow we will still be the same lazy, unproductive wasters we are now. Except by tomorrow we'll probably be behind on our deadline. And by next week we'll be fat by lying up on front of the telly eating chocolate all the time instead of doing what needs to be done.
There's a lot of psychology behind this, which I'm not going to get into because it would drive both you and I demented, but think of this; will future you be glad you put it off until now (the future) to do whatever it is you're procrastinating on? Think of you as you are now, not the idealistic view you have of what you'll be like tomorrow. I always think that I'll be fit, organised, intelligent and in general a better person by tomorrow. It never happens. God, I wish it did. That'd be fucking amazing.
I wish it were as easy as that. Things are never as easy to do as they come across in this sort of article and it's a fucking pain in the arse because they seem to think that all there is to it is following their rules. It's not. And not for one second am I going to pretend that I have all the answers, because while I am absolutely fabulous I am not that arrogant. You're going to fail a lot at self-discipline. I know that, because I will too.
A very happy 202nd birthday to Mr Edgar Allan Poe. Go read some of his poetry. It has such a nice rhythm to it, you can almost sing some of his poems. I love The Raven. Go read that.
Arrivederci :)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
To be perfectly honest, I have absolutely nothing to blog about today. Nothing out of the ordinary happened to prompt me to write anything, nor did any inspiration fall from the sky and hit me on the head.
So I think I maybe I should do one of those list things, you know, fifteen facts about myself? I know I said yesterday that no one cares, but if you've got any better ideas, drop me a line.
1. I am incredibly stubborn. It doesn't matter if I know I'm wrong, I will argue until I'm blue in the face. It's a bad habit, but I'd prefer to be an obnoxious prick than a total pushover.
2. I am an old woman. I love tea and I drink wine. I read in my spare time. I listen to classical music. I can even knit. I shudder to think what I'll be like in twenty years.
3. Speaking of twenty years time, I am absolutely terrified of the future. I despise the fact that I am wasting my younger years learning Maths and Accounting rather than being out in the world- or at least learning things that I'm actually interested in. I don't know what I want to do when I'm older, where I want to be, anything. I need more time.
4. My self esteem can vary from thinking I'm the chosen one to utter self loathing within a very short amount of time. I'm pleased to report that the self loathing occurs less often now than it used to. General apathy is my forte.
5. I like psychology and medicine. This is a fairly recent thing- I've always been interested in them, but more so in the last few months. However, I'm also very creative. I play the piano and the flute, and I like to write and make things. I suppose I'm dead centre in regards to creative versus logical thinking.
6. I like order, plans and lists. I'm very rarely spontaneous. Spontaneity freaks me out. I want to know what's going on all the time. I adore my whiteboard, a recent acquisition, for keeping me organised. You will most likely be hearing a lot about how much I love this whiteboard.
7. Music. I love music. Classical music is great, currently listening to Liszt. I like music that has something behind it, rather than meaningless instrumentation and vocals. Jeff Buckley is the best I've come across in terms of expressing some pure emotion, so I recommend you check him out. But I will give most artists a fair chance. Unless they're unspeakably shite.
8. I want to do some good in the world. I'm such a cliche :L But I really do want to achieve something or do something worthy of remembering in the future. And if possible, help people.
9. I love my dog. His name is Dougal. You will also be hearing a lot about him.
I know I said fifteen, but that would kill you. Nine will have to do for now. Night :)
So I think I maybe I should do one of those list things, you know, fifteen facts about myself? I know I said yesterday that no one cares, but if you've got any better ideas, drop me a line.
1. I am incredibly stubborn. It doesn't matter if I know I'm wrong, I will argue until I'm blue in the face. It's a bad habit, but I'd prefer to be an obnoxious prick than a total pushover.
2. I am an old woman. I love tea and I drink wine. I read in my spare time. I listen to classical music. I can even knit. I shudder to think what I'll be like in twenty years.
3. Speaking of twenty years time, I am absolutely terrified of the future. I despise the fact that I am wasting my younger years learning Maths and Accounting rather than being out in the world- or at least learning things that I'm actually interested in. I don't know what I want to do when I'm older, where I want to be, anything. I need more time.
4. My self esteem can vary from thinking I'm the chosen one to utter self loathing within a very short amount of time. I'm pleased to report that the self loathing occurs less often now than it used to. General apathy is my forte.
5. I like psychology and medicine. This is a fairly recent thing- I've always been interested in them, but more so in the last few months. However, I'm also very creative. I play the piano and the flute, and I like to write and make things. I suppose I'm dead centre in regards to creative versus logical thinking.
6. I like order, plans and lists. I'm very rarely spontaneous. Spontaneity freaks me out. I want to know what's going on all the time. I adore my whiteboard, a recent acquisition, for keeping me organised. You will most likely be hearing a lot about how much I love this whiteboard.
7. Music. I love music. Classical music is great, currently listening to Liszt. I like music that has something behind it, rather than meaningless instrumentation and vocals. Jeff Buckley is the best I've come across in terms of expressing some pure emotion, so I recommend you check him out. But I will give most artists a fair chance. Unless they're unspeakably shite.
8. I want to do some good in the world. I'm such a cliche :L But I really do want to achieve something or do something worthy of remembering in the future. And if possible, help people.
9. I love my dog. His name is Dougal. You will also be hearing a lot about him.
I know I said fifteen, but that would kill you. Nine will have to do for now. Night :)
Monday, January 17, 2011
Acquiescence
Alrighty, my first blog post. Welcome to Ramblings of Monotony, which will most likely turn out to be exactly what it says on the tin. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure- yes, I'm being sarcastic- I'm Gráinne.
You don't want to sit there and read a big list of adjectives and hobbies, what I am and what I'm not- you'll pick it up fast enough- but basically, I'm going to be blogging about anything and everything that tickles my fancy. I'm also open to suggestions, by the way, so if you have anything you want me to write about let me know. At the very least I won't completely dismiss it. Unless it's ridiculous, of course, in which case I'll have it posted in no time. :)
So yeah, this is going to cover a wide range of topics- there will be politics, religion, music, poetry, art, history, literature, science, and of course my dog, my shelf and my whiteboard, which are the three main loves in my life at the moment. I can guarantee that I will whinge, moan and gripe like an old woman but I can also grudgingly guarantee the odd "you can do it!" post. Have to keep the minions happy. Stupid bastards.
Anyway, there will be many's a mug of tea drunk, many's a philosopher quoted and many's a politician discredited as I travel on my merry way throughout the realms of blogland. I hope you'll consider joining me for the journey. If you don't, well fuck you anyway because you're a shit.
Amicalement, mes amis. Á demain. :)
You don't want to sit there and read a big list of adjectives and hobbies, what I am and what I'm not- you'll pick it up fast enough- but basically, I'm going to be blogging about anything and everything that tickles my fancy. I'm also open to suggestions, by the way, so if you have anything you want me to write about let me know. At the very least I won't completely dismiss it. Unless it's ridiculous, of course, in which case I'll have it posted in no time. :)
So yeah, this is going to cover a wide range of topics- there will be politics, religion, music, poetry, art, history, literature, science, and of course my dog, my shelf and my whiteboard, which are the three main loves in my life at the moment. I can guarantee that I will whinge, moan and gripe like an old woman but I can also grudgingly guarantee the odd "you can do it!" post. Have to keep the minions happy. Stupid bastards.
Anyway, there will be many's a mug of tea drunk, many's a philosopher quoted and many's a politician discredited as I travel on my merry way throughout the realms of blogland. I hope you'll consider joining me for the journey. If you don't, well fuck you anyway because you're a shit.
Amicalement, mes amis. Á demain. :)
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